There’s nothing wrong with being single.
In fact, there are beautiful seasons in singleness—growth, success, peace. I was single most of my adult life and I accomplished so much during that time.
But this post isn’t about that kind of singleness.
This is for the woman who knows deep down:
“My season of singleness was supposed to be over by now.”
You’re no longer content being single.
You’ve tried to let the desire for marriage go, but it keeps coming back.
And that longing to share life with someone? That’s not desperation. That’s divine alignment calling you forward.
🚨 Here’s the hard truth:
Sometimes singleness is no longer a choice… it’s a trauma response.
And no, we’re not just talking about big trauma like abuse or PTSD.
We’re talking about what I call “little t” trauma:
The heartbreak from someone you thought you’d marry
The pain of being rejected or ghosted
The shame of choosing the wrong person again and again
The moment you stopped believing love was safe
🙅🏽♀️ Trauma in disguise looks like:
Overcompensating to keep a man’s attention
People-pleasing or shrinking yourself to be “chosen”
Tolerating disrespect or lack of emotional connection
Believing that love is for everyone but you
You might call it “independence,” but it’s really protection.
💔 My Story: The First Love Theory
My own trauma response began with my first love—my high school boyfriend who fathered my daughter.
He cheated, juggled relationships, and eventually chose another woman. I wasn’t angry I just shut down.
But after that?
Every man I met triggered that same wound. I stayed guarded, hyper-vigilant, anxious.
I stopped dating from faith and started dating from fear.
And that’s what I now call The First Love Theory—the idea that our earliest heartbreak shapes how we show up in love for years to come.
🔄 Breaking the Cycle
This cycle can come from:
A father leaving the home
A mother’s emotional neglect
A childhood moment that told you: You are not worthy of love
But here’s the truth:
You are not broken.
You are not hard to love.
You are not too late.
You are simply healing.